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My Psychology Today colleague, Dr. Todd Kashdan, wrote an excellent book called The Art of Insubordination about how to dissent and defy effectively in the external world. We can extrapolate the same principles and tactics to rebel against our anxiety-driven self-limits.
Why Science-Based Strategies Are Needed
In groups, elevating a minority perspective, whether to convince others or to allow multiple perspectives to co-exist, is hard! The same applies if you're trying to achieve this within yourself, so that you're less constrained by your anxiety-driven internal barriers. You can change your anxious mind if you approach it skillfully.
10 Science-Based Tactics to Go Beyond Your Self-Limiting Beliefs
For each, you'll find the strategy followed by a practical example.
1. Break Small Rules or Expectations in Your Life to Remind Yourself That You Have Autonomy
There's huge creative potential in applying this principle: do a task slowly or inefficiently, rearrange your daily routine, wear a color that doesn't suit you, take a mental health day, let a non-urgent email sit for 24 hours, or watch the least popular video your favorite YouTuber has produced.
2. Turn Discomfort Into a Signal of Courage Not Fear
Example: Instead of seeing a racing heart when asking a question as a sign of fear, see it as a growth signal, physical proof you're expanding your circle of competence.
3. Challenge Groupthink in Your Own Mind
Example: At a regular meeting, you think "I'm not expert enough to contribute." One day, you realize that thought feels true because it's so familiar. You call on your inner independent thinker. You test your default belief by tracking when others speak up despite not being complete experts. You discover that valuable contributions often come from people asking thoughtful questions or offering fresh perspectives, not just from those with perfect knowledge.
4. Create a Rebel Alliance With Yourself
Dr. Kashdan points out that rebels succeed more in promoting their dissenting views when they band together. Rebels need allies. You can create a rebel alliance within yourself. For example, when you feel paralyzed by perfectionism, you might ask "What would my practical self say right now?" or "What would my compassionate self say?" or "What would my assertive/decisive self encourage me to do?" By doing this, you allow different parts of yourself to guide your decision-making rather than being trapped by one perspective.
5. Seek Intellectual Friction With Yourself
This point is somewhat similar to challenging groupthink within your own mind. When your anxious thoughts spiral, force yourself to consider alternative, less comfortable viewpoints. For example, you're at the gym and think you shouldn't rest so long between sets of weights because you're taking up too much space. Challenge that. Remind yourself that resting between sets is how you're supposed to strength train, and plenty of others are doing it. I wrote a detailed guide to coming up with alternative thoughts here.
6. Balance Conviction With Flexibility
Example: You believe failing to plan is planning to fail. However, you notice this doesn't always apply. You practice flexibility by observing when your general rule works well and when it doesn't. Without intense anxiety, you allow yourself to pivot to "My core approach is still valid, even if the specifics need adjustment, or some situations benefit from a YOLO approach."
THE BASICS
- What Is Anxiety?
- Take our Generalized Anxiety Disorder Test
- Find a therapist to overcome anxiety
7. Develop Comfort With Disobeying Your Own Rules
Anxiety causes us to have unwritten personal rules, like "Never rock the boat with someone who has power in your career." As a result, you never contradict your boss's perspective. This self-imposed constraint causes significant anxiety in professional settings. You decide to start small in disobeying this rule by respectfully offering an alternative viewpoint during a brainstorming session.
By practicing small acts of 'disobedience,' you build comfort expressing authentic thoughts instead of automatically kowtowing to power.
8. Create Space for Intellectual and Emotional Diversity Within Yourself
Psychological safety isn't about compliance, it's about feeling secure, even when you go against the grain. Accept that different parts of you (the cautious, the daring, the uncertain) coexist and can all have a voice. Instead of trying to figure out which perspective is right, allow the diverse perspectives to coexist more peacefully.
Anxiety Essential Reads
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A State of Brace: Navigating Political and Social Anxiety
Create psychological safety by allowing intellectual and emotional complexity. Accept that you can be both competent and insecure, strong and afraid simultaneously.
9. Use Curiosity as a Safety Net
When emotions get intense, access your most curious self. Seek to adapt to discomfort rather than avoid it. Treat uncertainty as a chance to build skills and mental strength, instead of fearing the unknown. Practice not attempting to resolve uncertainty or messy emotions, but exist with them.
For example, when receiving unexpected criticism, rather than immediately defending yourself, wonder "What might I learn if I get curious about why they see things this way?"
Or, after a subpar result, instead of spiraling into shame, ask "What's interesting about my reaction to this? What fear has this situation triggered?"
10. See Internal Resistance as an Invitation
If something feels uncomfortable, it might be a sign of potential growth. Try controlled recklessness. Push boundaries in low-stakes situations to increase confidence in high-stakes ones. Recognize that when internal resistance appears, it's not always a sign to retreat. It's sometimes marking the exact spot your self-imposed limits need challenging. For example, you find yourself wanting blunt feedback but also resisting it because you fear it might send you into rumination. You acknowledge it might, but that you're capable of adapting to any useful insights the feedback provides, and you have inner resources and resilience for managing big feelings.
Overthrowing Your Self-Limiting Thoughts
Leading an inner revolution against anxiety is challenging, but these evidence-based strategies give you tools to work with. With specific tactics, you can allow intellectual and emotional diversity to emerge within yourself, along with greater curiosity. By creating space for multiple perspectives to peacefully coexist, you'll develop a more flexible relationship with uncertainty and gradually liberate yourself from the tyranny of your "majority" thoughts.
